I CANT BELIEVE SHE SAID THAT

walang hiya yang babaeng yan. di karapat dapat maging "kaibigan" ko. alam ko PALAGI kong sinasabi sa iba na "pag siya ay isang tunay na kaibigan mo, she'd go out of her way to make your life easier". MEANING helping you out. that's what happened to my barkada, <FMA3. back when i was a coc, whenever we were talking and i don't notice an officer, they'd tell me "oi bli, tapos ka na ba kay Ma'am____?" or pag sa platspirit "OI BLI! si Ma'am___ nasa under the clock". TULUNGAN. yng mga yn. tunay kong kaibagan. siya FAKE.

pag mali ka, MALI KA. wag ka ng kumontra. aminin mo na. at PAG natapos ang away AYOKONG tinatawag akong "bitch" pwede ba? masakit yun. lalo na kung nanggaling sayo. oo inaantok ka, EH SINO BA NAMAN HINDI INAANTOK PAG UMAGA? kung alam mo ng may makakalimutan ka, eh di ihanda mo sa gabi. palaging may paraan. walang excuses. tama ba naman PAHIRAPAN ang buhay ko?

kinalimutan mo na yng bagay sa bahay, okay, fine! pero gumawa ka ng paraan para maging ayos na ang lahat. research paper nakalimutan, kausapin si teacher. material makalimutan, manghiram sa ibang section. IKAW NA GUMAWA NG PARAAN. hindi kita ANAK para ako gumawa ng solusyon.

oo, bilang kaibigan MO, dapat kita tulungan. oo nagkamali ka, nanakalimutan mo. pero mali yng ginawa mo eh. imbis humanap ka ng paraan, umupo ka lang dyan at nakipagtalo sa akin. hello. hindi ako tanga. oo, minsan may konting sira ako sa utak, pero pag seryosong usapan, seryoso ako. dapat alam mo na yun.

nakita mo na ako magalit sa iba. wala akong takot ipahiya ka sa buong mundo. matalino ka, sure paki ko dyan. marami kang 'kakampi', dude meron din ako. kala mo sa IBA ko lang kaya gawin yn dahil wala naman kaming "history", pantay pantay lang kayo lahat pag nasa ganitong situasyon.

dude. gusto kong matuto ka. ayokong lumalabas sa ICA ang mga kapwa kong ICAns na tanga. AYOKONG nakakarinig ng mga salitang "ano ba naman ang icans, ibang klase na nga. maiingay na nga, wala pang MANNERS". heller! nakakahiya. at kung GANITO ang ugali mo sa harap ng mga kilala mo, paano na kaya sa mga hindi mo kilala? paano na pag nasa bago ka ng environment, ganoon din? makikipagtalo ka pa rin sa kanila kahit alam mong MALI KA? alam mo, hindi pwepwede yan sa ibang tao. hindi 'pahiya' ang gagawin sayo, BUGBOG na. baka ipa-salvage pa ikaw.

sana maramdaman mong mahal kita. ayokong mapahiya ka. ayokong masaktan ka ng iba. masyado malaki para sa akin ang pinagdaanan natin para mawala ka. naiintindihan mo ba gaano kasakit itong ginawa mo? hindi ito dahil sa nakalimutan mo. pero sa sinabi mo. sa pag pipilit na tama ka, pero alam mong mali ka. at lalo na sa pagtawag sa akin ng 'bitch'. sayang ka. sayang ang LAHAT ng pinaghirapan mo. yng mga ipinangako at sinabi mo sa akin, nagdadalawang isip na ako ngayon. kala mo biro lang ang lahat? seryoso toh dude. nakita ko na ang tunay mong pagkatao. walang hiya, walang utang ng loob, immature.

oo duwag ako kasi hindi ko masabi ito sa harap mo. hindi kita kayang saktan. ayoko umiyak ka nanaman sa harap ko. ayokong magkaroon ng eksena. kung magkataon makapag-usap tayong dalawa lamang, sasabihin ko rin sayo toh.

sa mga natamaan. most probably, hindi ikaw ang pinaparinggan ko. wala siya. hindi nya ata alam itong blog na ito. masyadong oblivious yun sa mundo ng ibang tao. ng mga MORTAL na nilalang.

hay. at sa mga iba. please wag gumaya sa kanya. pag may mali ka, gumawa ng paraan para ayusin. wag tatanga-tanga, makikipagtalo at wala lang. walang maidadala yan. sayang lang sa oras, sa laway, sa brain cell. sa buhay, palaging may solusyon, may paraan. no, walang 'end of the world'. tayo tayo lang ang gumagawa noon para pwede na natin iiwan ang mga problema. kaya minsan hindi umaasenso ang buhay.

<3

much love to my FMA, Platspirit, the Y and other friends.

~BLi_333halfwaytohell

HAY BUHAY.

yan lang ang masasabi ko. lately i've been stressed. (sino nga ba hindi?) i thank one org and specific people for it. i'm sorry i've been a sadist lately. their problems just happened the same time i was saw-high.

i know where i went wrong AND i PROMISE that it will never happen EVER AGAIN. i'll work hard  to attain a high status in life, where the only people i will work for and with are decent educated and mature men/women! yes!

another lesson that i've learned, there's a reason it's called "2nd chance". we are only to give TWO chances, nothing more! i've developed a cold heart towards those things. maybe i'm biased but seriously if they were in MY position, i doubt they'd give another chance. we're too lax with everything. there's always a "teacher pwede bukas ko na lang i-pass". it's too UNACCEPTABLE. high school is supposed to prepare you for the 'real world' and ica hasnt really done that, not to EVERYONE at least.

BUT ANYWHOO.

i want to thank the following people.

1. Mheryl, for being the oh so patient mediator that you are. and for being my shrink.

2. CO's for being patient as i try to handle everything and as i change my ways.

3. FMA, IPgroup, the Y! and h1 people. thanks for making me smile, it helped A LOT. i think my face would've permanently had a frown on it if it werent for those moments. i'm sorry i havent been able to talk to you guys as much as i used to before. i'm trying. :D

is it wrong to say that i'm praying for graduation to come? i know i'll miss everyone and everything but i dont want it na. i want to break free. konting tiis na lang bli. konting tiis.

bittersweet.

~BLi_333halfwaytohell

sem break's almost over. i slept the whole way through it. goodness bli. oh well i bet i'll be missing my sleep when school starts. damn LAST 3RD QUARTER KO NA ITO SA ICA!! *senior drama* hahaha.

my aunt said something funny last night.

aunt: bakit ka palaging pagod? tulog ka ng tulog. parang matanda ka na

bli: eh paano naman stress sa school. di na ako nakakatulog.

mom: oo nga makikita mo na lang yan naglalakad sa bahay ng madaling umaga. di na makatulog sa kakaisip ng mga "problema" nya.

aunt: ganoon ba yn? ano ba mga problema nya? kabata-bata pa!

mom: ano pa ba! {inserts list of problems that keep me awake}

aunt: ganoon ba yun? paano na kaya pag nagkaroon ka pa ng boyfriend.

bli: O_O;

oh the horrible truth. following this conversation was how THEIR senior lives were so.... colorful. x_X

sadness.

i wish SS was with me. *sigh*

~BLi_333halfwaytohell

~stress~ i knew there was a reason why cocc gave work during the breaks. really i get it now. there's no 'break' for us AT ALL. as in. for the past 3 nights i was able to fall asleep really fast. but last night it took me 45 minutes, 20 games of solitare and 2 chapters of hp6 to fall asleep. everytime i close my eyes either one of these thoughts pop into my head.

stupid thoughts that WONT let me sleep:

1. patches. will they be okay? i really dont want to disappoint anyone.
2. damn her seriously, whatthehell is her problem? 
3. and her too i swear. if i ruled the world then it's OFF WITH HER HEAD. she tells my friend one thing and shows me another thing. really. i DONT THINK it's THAT HARD to PROVE that you want this. REALLY i dont.  
4. she could die as well yeah. most def.  
5. them no i dont want them dead. it's mainly the stuff i need to do for them. LOVELY
6. college hopefully i pass DLSU coz if i dont.. then.... i'm dead. ADMU & UP are FARFAR away from my house. it'll be like ICA again. i have to go by car, avoid traffic and blahblablha. plus big ass campuses arent my thing. i'd rather WALK short distances from one building to another. i really dont need like 'a peaceful place to reflect'.  
7. ustet/ctk problem uh yeah. same date. and i REALLY dunno what to do if something BAD happens.   
8. allergies apparently there are MITES on my computer table. REALLY. stupid allergies. so i have to limit my use.
9. my FREAKY dreamSSSS. there's one about me being an S. then another bout #7. then me loosing my ID. SHYEEETT. x_X

someone give me sleeping pills

~BLi_333halfwaytohell

THE 2 WEEKS BEFORE SEMBREAK

can anybody say DRAMA? seriously, it really scared the shit out of me, and the annoyed me too. i always dreamt for a peaceful senior life, but this had to happen. lol. stupid bli. i knew i should've anticipated this, what with everything that happened in the past years. pssht life. i WISH once we come back from sembreak, everyone will be recharged and ready to start a new sem together. *forced smiles and pleasantries*

school shit, well i dont study anymore or do any homework. it's always about extra-curriculars. deadlines and deadlines. i bring home my books as mere "props" for my mother. HAH. i swear. who the hell brings home an obese physics book for that reason? BLI. lovely. i should really just... get that over with X_x

REPORT CARD. well im impressed with my grades.

• CLE maintained, never studied for it..
• ENGLISH & FILIPINO & CHINESE, my worst subjects, maintained. it's sad that i never get high grades in language subjects. really they are just LANGUAGE i dont understand myself. it's usually because i zone out in those classes. such a good model student bli.
• SCIENCE improved, like HELL it should! for all the recess cramming and tutor head aches i did, it should've.
• MATH maintained, this im pissed about. i placed equal effort {well close to equal} to math as i did in science but it didnt improve. damit.
• AP improved, good good considering i dont understand the lessons. yes eco is a big bag of smelly cow dung. i hate it. i miss history.
• BOOKKEEPING improved, from an 86 it jumped to a 92! hell yeah! i hope i could keep this up, at least i have one line of 9!
• MUSIC improved, i have no idea how the hell do i get a high grade in music, i cant even sing X_x
• PE & CAT maintained... well i dont think it could get any higher. hehehe

well for someone who doesnt study, doesnt recite and doesnt listen i did i pretty good job. *adobo nuts for bli!*

but i do need to improve, my dad's counting on it. AND IF i dont make my parents happy, no laptop, no happy bli. :(( I MUST I MUST I MUST!!!

~BLi_333halfwaytohell